I got upset at ‘Danny’ the other day in one of my business networking groups and called him out in front of some other people. Actually there was quite a group of folks, maybe 40 or so. I felt I was being attacked verbally and I got angry, and let him have it.
I don’t use this retaliatory speaking ability much, although I’m quite good at it… I grew up around adults that had good vocabularies, I acquired a communications degree a few many years ago and I get paid to talk to people in my account management job. My brother and one co-worker can out maneuver me in an argument, but the list stops there.
So, I let this guy have it, and then complained to some other folks about it later. They could tell I was upset and sided with me (maybe because I was upset). I had a few times during the week that I felt bad about giving Danny a hard time… However I was still a bit indignant because of his ‘mean spirited’ actions.
Shortly after I arrived at our group the following week, one of the members approached me. Kindly he said “My friend, you don’t need to be so defensive. I don’t think Danny was attacking you personally, he was just asking you questions about a business situation.”
I heard the words he said and let them sink. I was a bit annoyed, but something happened when it was my turn to speak (we get 60 seconds to talk about our business). I stood up took a deep breath, and said “It has been pointed out to me that I was a bit grumpy last week, and I would have to agree. I want to apologize to Danny and the rest of you.” I smiled, a few people laughed and then I launched into my ‘elevator speech’.
I immediately felt lighter and it seemed like the mood of the room changed for the better. I was talking to a co-worker and said “I think I needed to just ‘get over myself’. I told him that I was probably justified in my frustration, however there was a much better way to handle the situation. He replied “I think getting over oneself might be the key to happiness in many areas of our life”.
I think he’s right.
Proverbs: 11:2
When pride comes, then comes disgrace,
but with humility comes wisdom.
Love,
Jason
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May 8th, 2010 at 3:54 am
Thanks for being – well, transparent. I to am learning to get over myself. Love your heart, Jason. Thanks.
May 8th, 2010 at 1:51 pm
I think this is a lesson that almost all of us can learn something from.
As Christians pride can be one of our biggest stumbling blocks. When we focus on “us”, the light dims on “Him”. We should always put Christ first in our walk,if we do the rest falls in with calm and grace.
May God bless you for being transparent, so that the rest of us realize we “are only human” too!
May 8th, 2010 at 10:32 pm
I’m constantly in awe of how you humbly listen when people speak. It’s so easy to continue on w/ our “I’m justified” mentality, and even if you had heard and agreed (a little), to actually say something the next time is huge. Wishing we were all as open to God’s correction – especially when it comes in the voice of a friend!
May 9th, 2010 at 4:29 am
Lately, God keeps bringing to my attention how much I need to get over myself. I don’t think I have any concept of how much I try to make things all about me. I appreciate your honesty and am encouraged that I am not the only one struggling with this.
May 10th, 2010 at 4:15 pm
Thank you Eric and Sandy.
Michelle – It was truly a divine moment. I certainly didn’t walk into that meeting wanting to apologize. I appreciate you and Gene and the influence you have had on me more than you know.
Lisa – I think most of us don’t realize how much things are ‘all about us.’ I’m glad I’m not the only one that struggles with this as well.
May 15th, 2010 at 12:23 pm
good article and great honesty Jason. —– i know i too at times can be defensive and taking things personally.