Transparent Christian Magazine

Over the last 5 years I have been involved in many ‘work’ networking events, and at one of these outings awhile ago, I met a nice man named “Joe”. He is in his fifties or so, and he wears his age on his head and his wisdom on his tongue.  He always has a smile and a soft, kind word for the people around him.

Recently, I found out that his wife had breast cancer.  I remember being shocked and surprised that he would leave her home in the evenings to go do something as insignificant as greeting the folks at our group.  I also wondered how he could actually be happy (or seem happy) while dealing with an illness as serious as cancer. I thought that if he had a sick spouse, one with a chronic illness, he should be miserable and home, by her side… twenty four, seven.

I thought about Joe the other night when I was hanging out at the CIA Summit (Christian Independent Alliance) in Nashville, Tennessee. The Summit is a conference/award show for all of the artists that congregate on the Indieheaven website to support each other in their music and mission. It’s a huge ordeal, spanning 4 days, showcases, concerts and speakers from all over the country. I was there Friday and Saturday and night and although I had family with me both nights, my wife Shelli was at home.

She was home because her back pain was at the normally ridiculously high level, which pushes her to bed early most nights. She has been dealing with this pain for the last 3 years (with a few short reprieves) and we are hoping for a solution this spring. This is thankfully not as serious as something like cancer, however I could see some parallels with Joe’s situation. It will be another couple of weeks before we meet with the surgeon again.

We have developed some coping strategies and have worked hard at managing the hurt, frustration, depression, and anger that accompanies chronic pain. We still have our time together, our talks, and we laugh and we get out and have fun, just not quite as often as we would like. We have learned that when dealing with depression, one must seek out even MORE joyful experiences, (the depression tells you seek out less)…

Shelli has encouraged me to get out of the house and still ‘live life’ in spite of our circumstances and my tendency to try and make it better. One of those coping strategies for me is listening to live music, which I was doing last weekend.

I now understand why Joe needed those times to get out and recharge his batteries, and I feel a little silly for heaping judgment on him about how he was ‘treating his family’. I’ve learned that being good to your family can mean being good to yourself, and the music was very good for my soul.

Love,
Jason