Sometimes I get grumpy and anxious. A slightly hopeless feeling overtakes my mind and I start to count up all of the things that are wrong in my life. I write this mental list: My weight, my wife’s chronic back pain, my messy house, my parenting skills, and my finances… are just some things that can creep into my mind in these times of ‘personal negative inventory’.
During one of these moments, a good friend asked how I was doing. I said “oh, not so good tonight. I think grace walked away from me earlier when I was talking with my wife. I wasn’t as kind as I should have been.” He replied “Grace doesn’t walk away from us Jason, we walk away from Grace.”
His words hit me like a brick. I was breathless for a moment and I replied “…. you know, you’re right!”
And he is… I have noticed that these negative “graceless” feelings come on strongest when I ignore things I should be addressing… When I don’t hang around with the positive people in my life, and when I give my least and last to God and my family. It’s counter intuitive in a way, because when I’m selfishly focusing on ME… I tend to feel the lowest.
Shelli’s back pain was really severe that night, and finally, instead of continuing to tune out her pain (which I do sometimes as a defense mechanism) I ended up giving her a pedicure, and rubbing her feet and calves until my hands were ready to fall off. We both slept pretty well that night and it was good to serve her in SOME way even though I could not make the back pain go away. (She loved the foot massage).
Even when we can’t fix someone’s problems, we can still do something for them. This may take the form of a listening ear, a cooked meal, a few bucks, a cafe mocha (with whip please), or a foot massage.
If you’re in a funk, go find someone that needs you, and serve them. I promise you, they will feel better and so will you.
Love,
Jason
Thanks to Tom Whiteman at Gospel Music Roundup for the great quote!
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November 19th, 2008 at 7:44 am
Hey, Jason!
You know, I defer to the prophet, Balaam; When God wants to work, he can even make an old Donkey talk!
Love ya bro!
Tom
November 19th, 2008 at 1:33 pm
man i love this…encouraging.
hmmm whos feet can i rub today?
November 19th, 2008 at 1:42 pm
Yeah, good analogy. When you have friends (as I have in the past) that tend to come to you a lot for counseling on their problems, it is easy to rudely say to them, “Oh gosh, here we go again”. However, we need to take a step back and just listen to them even if it takes a couple hours of them just venting. In the long run, that “massages” them where maybe they can sleep better that night and also gives you a peace where you can sleep better that you may have helped a friend out.
PS: You need to give me credit for that picture as I think I’m the one that took it of you and Shelli on the counch.
November 19th, 2008 at 1:57 pm
Such true words Jason. Needed to see that this morning.
Keep up the great work Brother.
Peace,
David
November 19th, 2008 at 2:50 pm
Jason, once again your “transparency” touches me. I have a friend who, at the age of 62 or so, is just discovering his faith. He told me that what he apprecites is candor and honesty, not steeple-fingered mock piety. Keep on being honest and open. God bless.
John R. Ingrisano
November 20th, 2008 at 4:12 am
Thanks for the comments David, John and Tom. This experience slammed me pretty good.
Rockin Ron, my feet are kinda sore man, you can stop by anytime!
Burt, Sorry my friend. Stock Photography on this one! (Good eye though, it kinda looks like our old couch!)
Have a great day people!
Jason
November 20th, 2008 at 6:59 pm
Wow – I started reading and your negative mental list struck me right away. Exchange “wife” for “husband” and take out parenting and this is my list precisely. What an encouragement to keep serving even when I can’t fix things completely.
November 21st, 2008 at 2:54 pm
Hi Jason,
Thank U for sharing. You are such a beautiful man and your magazine is truly what some of us need. Many blaze their very best before the world, but God sees us as we really are, dirty, sinful, weak and so needing us in every way! hey..I’m gonna write an essay on this one. Thanks for inspiring me!
really Jason…this is s special work and God is blessing.
November 21st, 2008 at 6:42 pm
yeah man, thanks for reading. good post here too!
November 25th, 2008 at 6:11 pm
I think your wife was as grateful as you that this epiphany took place.
What a nice thought to share with your fellow Christians.
Thanks for sharing,
Joni
November 29th, 2008 at 1:54 am
awesome post and great reminder!!!
December 24th, 2008 at 1:41 pm
“Even when we can’t fix someone’s problems, we can still do something for them.”
I agree with this. It’s clear that our mental health can be positively or negatively impacted by the motives of others even if the actual result of their actions is negligible.
I read a study recently that stated “Psychologists at Harvard University have found that pain hurts more when we think that someone intended to cause hurt” (http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2008/12/081215111307.htm). I cannot help but think that comfort has the same effect. Surely comfort is more comforting when we think the other person means it.
peace|dewde