Transparent Christian Magazine

Hi. My name is Michelle, and I’m a food addict.

My addiction is not much different then an alcoholic or drug addict. One of the sad truths about food addiction is that I can’t just quit eating to conquer it. An alcoholic or drug addict can remove it completely from their life. I will always have to eat for the rest of my life, however, I have to change my habit.

I have joined a “food issues” group at my church. They have a ministry called “Celebrate Recovery,” where they deal with any hurt, habit, or hang-up following the 12 steps of AA, but with a side-by-side Christian value. I have completed the first two steps: stepping out of denial and admitting I am powerless over it. But I’m struggling to move forward.

My addiction began when I was twelve years old and was molested. At thirteen, I met a boy who just used me to get back at his ex. The next boy I fell for rejected me. At sixteen, I had a brand new relationship forming with a boy I had liked for a long time. Three weeks after we had decided to move forward with our relationship, he was killed in a snow machine accident. I met my future husband at sixteen. We got married when I turned twenty, and I found myself in an abusive relationship. My whole life felt out-of-control. The only thing I could control was my food. Identifying the source was a huge step for me. By thirty-four, I had ballooned to 280 pounds on my five foot, three inches frame. I had to move forward and needed to do it soon. I was having health issues.

I was reluctant. Food had been my friend for twenty-two years. I tried a few different exercises and tried to eat healthier, but this addiction was hard to give up. I was hospitalized for pneumonia basically caused from my stomach pushing into my lungs. With no insurance we racked up a thirty thousand dollar bill. What was my doctor’s best advice? It was imperative that I lose weight, or I will continue to have health issues.

One day, I had a rough time with my kids, and my stress level was through the roof. I was supposed to go out with a friend for dinner and the movies. She canceled last minute, and I could not find another friend to go with such a short notice. I decided to just go by myself. I ran by Taco Bell and picked up two items. I went by Starbucks and purchased a Large Mocha and Banana Bread. I put those items in my purse.

At the movie theater, I bought two candies and a soda. I was looking forward to sitting through my movie with my comfort food feeling sorry for myself. As I walked through to the line to get in, an employee pulled me aside and told me they had a policy of going through large handbags. I had never encountered that before. I opened my purse and she informed me that I could not take any of the food into the theater. I was angry and tried to talk to her, but she was rude. I asked for her manager. Turns out she was the manager. Trying to calm down, I sat down on a bench and ate some of the food. I could not finish it all, so I kept the left-over Taco Bell and banana loaf. I threw away my five-dollar mocha. As I went through the line again, she pulled me aside and demanded to see in my bag. I had a bottle of water, and she told me I had to throw it away with the other remaining food items. I was so mad. I clamped my lips together and walked by the trashcan only throwing away the water bottle. I walked into the theater and sat down. My mouth fell to the floor when she walked in to my seat, and told me she saw that I did not throw my food away. At that moment, I wanted to choke her and told her she was being ridiculous and I wasn’t going to do it. She informed me that I would have to leave. I was livid and threw the food at her feet. She picked it up and left. I proceeded to bawl my eyes out through the entire movie, just eating the candy. I couldn’t finish it because the lump in my throat would not go away.

The next day, I talked to several friends about the absolute ridiculous thing that had happened and the evil movie theater manager. Most of my friends were flabbergasted. However, one friend, from my food issue group, calmly listened to my story. Rather then joining in the outrage at my unfair treatment, she asked me a question.

“Michelle, do you think God was trying to get your attention about your addiction?”

My mouth sagged open, and then I started laughing hysterically with her. God sure made His point. He put the annoying manager in my way to thwart me from having food as a comfort, and I had felt stripped. I felt so dumb. The food I had brought was a ridiculous amount that two or three people could have shared. It was at that moment that I saw the true sickness of my addiction.

I would love to tell you I have completely conquered my addiction, but I have had numerous relapses. But, relapses are a part of the process. I won’t give up. If I make a mistake, I just start over, until my sobriety becomes a longer and longer time. I will always be a food addict, but I plan for one day that to be said past tense:

Hi. My name is Michelle. I’m a recovering food addict and I have been sober for ____ years.