Recently I was blessed to spend the weekend with a great friend. During a conversation he mentioned he was able to pay off ALL of his outstanding debt last year. To accomplish this, he moved in with some roommates, worked 2 jobs and did some serious negotiating with his creditors, and was able to ’stroke a check’ and close out the last account, late last fall.
The debt was only partially his fault. He and his wife had good jobs in the late 90’s. Their relationship was in trouble though, and while his marriage was falling apart, he lost his job. Most of their debt was in his name and he ended up with the lion’s share. Also, with his current state of mind, he was unable to get a job with the same type of pay. In a short period of time, his bills piled up, and before he knew it, he was way over his head, sinking in debt.
The weight of this debt loomed large for about 11 years, and as I mentioned he is now free. What surprised him most was that there was:
No fanfare.
No moment of elation.
No screaming “FREEDOM” at the top of his lungs.
We talked about how many times our reality doesn’t meet our expectations. How many times we anticipate an outcome, only to be disappointed. The steak you grilled for your wife turns out too rare. The fish you expected to catch with your dad didn’t bite. And no matter how hard you try to avoid it, as a parent you often promise certain things, only to have time, patience, or money run out…
My friend was actually very happy to send in the final payment, however it wasn’t the mountaintop moment he was expecting. In his minds-eye, he had visions of a Hallelujah Choir…A moment where the sun was brighter than it had been in a decade. A moment where the clouds parted and the birds sang… When those things didn’t happen, he actually became depressed, and stayed that way for the first few months of this year.
He told me that after he got over the ‘let-down’ he was fine, but suggested that he is trying to focus on his voyage and not his destination.
I thought that was an excellent lesson for the rest of us.
Love to you all,
Jason
July 18th, 2008 at 8:23 am
Great article! Focusing on the end result is a trap I fall into all the time. It’s a struggle to enjoy and learn along the journey. “A man can do nothing better than to eat and drink and find satisfaction in his work. This, too, I see is from God” (Ecc. 2:24) I love this verse — helps me live in the moment. Thanks again for sharing the article.
July 18th, 2008 at 10:04 am
“you can’t always get what you want, but if you try sometime you just might find, you get what you need!” - The gospel according to the Rolling Stones, hahahaha! We are always looking for that “high”…that ultimate YAHOO and so many times, we are let down by the lack of it, or the non-presence of that choir singing when we reach our goal…Wouldn’t it be so cool to just be “satisfied ALWAYS” with what we have right now. I think that is the ultimate YAHOO ! = p.s. congrats to this young man for reaching his goal…blessings ,sue:)
July 18th, 2008 at 10:24 am
Jason,
I wouldn’t want to assume that this might be true, but perhaps your friend’s experience of writing that last check to pay off the debt, represented the death of his past? Grieving the loss of his hopes and dreams of years ago? I can see where one would dip into a depression - completely normal.
I commend your friend for embracing the journey. Very courageous indeed!
Margie
July 21st, 2008 at 8:41 am
Jennifer- Thanks for your comments, it’s nice to know I’m not alone in that. Great verse!
Sue- One of my friends wants “You Can’t Always Get What You Want” as her funeral song! It’s a song we sing to our children from time to time! Working on the “satisfied Always” deal! Thanks for reminding me again.
Margie- I’ve actually thought about that. Sometimes we hold on to our junk, just because it becomes a sort of a comfort at times. That’s why you see addicts not wanting to stop whatever they’re into… So I imagine that one could become addicted to the frustration of being in debt. Change can be hard, and someone once told me that you won’t change until the pain of changing is less than the pain of staying the same.
Good thoughts y’all!
Jason