I WAS SCHEDULED TO OFFICIATE a wedding this past weekend. I stayed home instead. But before passing judgment on me, here’s my story. Just days earlier, my wife was stricken with some mysterious pain in her back, a pain so intense it made her cry, and often. I made the only decision there was to make. Fortunately, the couple, five hundred miles away, found a substitute in time. They were disappointed, yes, but they were also kind, and understood the necessity of my absence. I felt bad on their account, but the thought of leaving Benita was unimaginable. In sickness and in health, in plenty and in want, whither thou goest I will go . . . these things had been on my mind for days.
I thought about the first words I said to her the day of our own wedding, twenty-four years ago.“This day I put to death all other options.” I was young. I was in love. I was stupid in love with this girl. As smitten as one could be smitten. My heart was all riot and overthrow. She was beautiful. And more than anything else, she had said the word of all words to me, the high priest of little words. She gave me her sacred and life-altering YES.
Though we didn’t fully understand them at the time, we were not afraid of words like surrender, words like sacrifice, and submission. The word forever was thrilling to both of us—terrifying, unnerving, and thrilling. Why? Because it was alive, and we knew it was alive. It settled between us and made a home there. Love opened a new and vast frontier before me, and for me alone—all that was unexplored, all that was untouched, unclaimed, all the veils that were yet to be removed, an entire realm, a paradise to reclaim. And all for the love of a girl. Refuge, sanctuary, and home. Love is the stuff that gives back divinity to life, that makes life the adventure God intended it to be. Hey, we still hold hands in church.
When I think about it now, perhaps my absence was the best sermon that could be preached at that wedding.
June 10th, 2008 at 3:52 pm
Commitment. This July, my wife and I will have been committed to each other 41 years. The line, “As you wish.” in the “Princess Bride” comes to mind.
Many years ago in a Wed. night service, I remember a gentleman stand up in the service and say (among other things), “My wife and I have been married 32 happy wonderful years. That’s not bad out of 35.” When he sat down I saw his wife put an elbow in his ribs. When marriage is a partnership and not a “boss”/”peon” relationship, love flourishes, and grows and becomes more than you can imagine when first married. Good article. Keep it up.