I lost my job last week. Why is it so easy to console another person who has lost something; a job, a spouse, a battle or an opportunity, but difficult to console oneself?
It’s bad enough to lose a position that you dislike, but this was a job I LIKED. Enjoyed, even. And the final cut that hurt the most? They liked ME.
I had gained employment at a company that tests rail track for virtually all the major Railroad companies in the world. Yes, the world. Granted, it was an entry-level position, but this company promotes solely from within. Many employees have gone on to work for the railroads themselves, or even to lucrative ‘Federal Appointments.’
I have been working on a “Rail Inspection Vehicle”, testing the railroad tracks that the trains run on all day. As an Assistant Operator, I kept the maintance truck operating and going where it needed to go…(sometimes a GREAT effort). I would also get out and assist the Chief Operator with his “hand testing” of any defects indicated by our vehicle’s componentry. This consists of getting out of the truck and onto the tracks and using our hand-held gear to verify those defects, mark the track at the point of indication, take measurements, and tie off a ribbon on the ties so that repair crews could follow-up behind us and take care of the defects. This job is important because it helps prevent derailments.
My supervisor liked me, as I mentioned before. Just about everyone I came in contact with gave me numerous compliments based on my willingness to do what needed doing during the day and or after hours.
So why did I lose this job?? I worked hard, was well liked, and yet while on my first “vacation” I was notified by telephone not to return to work. Their reason, was that there was a “strong concern” that because I was slower than average in getting back up off of the ground after marking a defect, that I was a “Safety Concern”. Apparently the Railroad Company mandates that a person working on the track (fouling the rail) needs to be able to “clear the rail” (get off the track) quickly and efficiently. Because I have a harder time getting up (mostly due to bad knees) I took about 5 seconds longer to get up than most, and therefore was a safety concern.
I was shocked, devastated even. I have always been a hard working man, and have never been “let go” before. Furthermore, it seemed like it hit me at a time when so many other areas of my life seemed to be going well.
Still, those few days were filled with quite a bit of introspection and worry. Short-term jobs listed on your work history only make it harder to get good work. Now, I have been faced with the possibility of having to go back to straight driving, over the road, or taking a lesser-paying local job.
Last Sunday my eyes were opened to one glaring thing: I still hadn’t learned to completely trust God. Instead, inwardly I think I even BLAMED Him. But in everything that I have ever completely released to Him, He has proven more than faithful. That Sunday Service was aimed straight at my self-pitiful heart. Being a Palm Sunday service, I heard over and over how Christ had given his life up so that others might live, and that He had to trust his Father unto death; Hardly the caliber of my sufferings, to say the least. But Jesus said it over and over in Gethsemane, “Not my will, but thine”. I was moaning and groaning over a stupid JOB and not sacrificing a single drop of blood for anyone in the midst of hearing the greatest love story ever told!
Conviction hit me like a freight train, and all of a sudden I realized that once again I had made the world about me and not about HIM.
Once I awoke to this fact, I could clearly see all the times that he has seen me through in the past, and how very much he loves me, and has promised to do good things for me through Him… I thought, “how shallow am I, to take my eyes off the prize because of a pothole in the road?”
How is it that Satan can use such small and insignificant things in order to distract us from doing the work of God, or from trusting Him? How great are the tears of a Father who gave his only son to die on a cross, that I might be able to live victoriously in the face of difficulties, only to have me trip over my own shoelaces and not trust Him yet again?
Many will try to console me and say my feelings are “normal”. But it is not a normal life that I seek in Him, nor do I believe my God, all-knowing, all-powerful, wants me to settle for “normal”.
Romans 6:10-13 When Jesus died, he took sin down with him, but alive he brings God down to us. 11 From now on, think of it this way: Sin speaks a dead language that means nothing to you; God speaks your mother tongue, and you hang on every word. You are dead to sin and alive to God. That’s what Jesus did. 12 That means you must not give sin a vote in the way you conduct your lives. Don’t give it the time of day. 13 Don’t even run little errands that are connected with that old way of life. Throw yourselves wholeheartedly and full-time—remember, you’ve been raised from the dead!—into God’s way of doing things. (The Message)
He’s my God, and I have to trust Him to do great things. After all, He promised.
Oh, and Monday I got two new Job offers:)
In Service of the King
Tom Whiteman
Tom has a radio show called Gospel Music Roundup where he finds GREAT music from all over the country and puts it together in a Podcast format. His website is on my blogroll (to your right). Check out his site, download some great music and throw him a comment!Born July 10, 1959 - died to sin forever! “I knew God had a calling on my life at age 10. I struggled many years to effectively run from that calling, feeling inadequate and under-equipped, but my real problem was malnourishment from not relying on the Bread of Life and Meat of the Word. I attended San Jose Bible College, Served on the air as a DJ for a small Christian station in the Mojave desert of California and as Host of a weekly Southern Gospel Radio program called “Gospel Music Roundup”, which is now available as a Podcast of the same name, presented by yours truly.”I married my beautiful wife 24 years ago and along with our youngest son now reside in Jasper, Missouri, and attend the First Baptist Church of Oronogo, Missouri. I welcome any and all comments and prayer requests at gospelmusicroundup@yahoo.com and invite you all to listen to some great gospel music at http://gospelmusicroundup.org!
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