Transparent Christian Magazine

“So, where are you and Shelli living?” He said with a know-it-all grin.
(It was 15 years ago, but I remember it so clearly.)

“Over in Whispering Way Apartments” I replied.

“Oh. Well….You guys aren’t married yet!?”

“Um….No.” I said as I became a bit uncomfortable.

“Well, God doesn’t approve of that” he replied with a slow, holier-than-though tone.

I know my face turned red with anger, (and a tinge of embarrasement maybe). Only one minute before his comments, we were having a nice conversation about our friends that got married that day.

‘Why do Christians always ask you questions they know the answer to’ I thought.

It was his brother-in-law that got married, and we all had been invited to the rehearsal dinner and wedding the following day. He and his wife left immediately after the rehersal dinner while my fiance and I (the girl I was shacking-up-with) stayed after to help get the church cleaned up and ready to go for the wedding. She and I also decorated the hall; including the very table that Mr. Smug and I were sitting at…None of their “church friends” could stick around. ‘They must be reading their bibles, or praying’ I thought sarcastically.

I mustered up enough guts to reply “I guess you know exactly what God approves of.” The rest of the short conversation is a blur. The comment stung though. He must have assumed that I grew up in a church and ‘knew the error of my ways’ but in truth, I was just doing what I had learned from many-many adult friends. I had probably only been to a church 40 times in my 23 years, and half of those times were for weddings. I had a stint as a Catholic in middle school, and went to the Church of God to please my mom as a senior in high school. I really didn’t have a clue as to why living with someone before marriage would be problematic…I mean it seems normal. I was bombarded my whole life with the ‘try before you buy message’ regarding everything from electronics, to cars to potential spouses. My fiance didn’t seem to care about WHEN we were getting married, just IF.

The frustrating thing that I have come to realize is that this well meaning young man (and I’m affording him a LOT of latitude here) taught me that Christians were smug and judgmental, and were more concerned about pointing out other’s perceived faults– than to love, or teach or mentor or support (Which is the way I view most Christians today). Mr. Smug’s comment and the way it was delivered probably kept me from starting my own relationship with God for years, because HE is what I pictured all young Christians to be.

I have come to different conclusions about living together prior to a wedding, and have a much better understanding of marriage…It will be 14 years for Shelli and I in May. And I also have watched a great teaching on this lately…Living together before marriage was recently described to me as “Practicing for Divorce”. It’s a pretty good analogy really. It’s pretty easy to separate from a live-in partner, and that teaches you that you can do the same thing with a partner with a wedding ring on — I mean, you’ve been through it before. You can watch the sermon here if you like. No judgment from me.

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[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XnUfaUbGoBc&hl=en]

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A week ago I had a conversation with a church friend of mine. He said “Jason, you know I was really angry with you for about a week last summer”. I said ‘really why?’ He responded by saying that he was frustrated that Shelli and I had gone to a wedding that he didn’t approve of. He said “by going to that wedding, you were condoning their actions”…Actions that took place before they got married. He continued to say that because the marriage had started ‘improperly’ my attendance was telling the couple, God and the world that I approved of their behavior.

I told him that the God I follow tells me to love others regardless of their actions, and that I didn’t think I was the final judge.

How can you breathe truth into the lives of others and support them, if you abandon them when they need you most? Oh, and I reminded him that I wasn’t perfect either…

I want to be a warrior for Christ, and not afraid to say tough things to my ever expanding circle of friends (and have them challenge me as well). Proverbs 27:17 says As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend.

As Christians, we should work on building honest relationships with people and choose the words we speak into the lives of others CAREFULLY.

Love to you all-
Jason

Jason Elkins
Content Manager and VP of Shepherding
www.TransparentChristianMagazine.com
e-mail: Jason@TransparentYou.com