Transparent Christian Magazine

Ever have one of those moments, days, weeks or more when someone says something snotty to you, about you, in front of you, in front of your loved ones… in front of complete strangers…when someone cuts you down for no reason that you can see… when someone scrutinizes your every move, your hair, your teeth, your shoes, your southern accent, the way you clean house, walk the dog or write in your journal every night… How this makes you feel like nothing you do is good enough… when someone makes you feel like you have to be someone or something else to please the masses? I’ve had such a week.

I was standing in the mall, the other day, staring at a painting/print… thinking, “this will fill that empty space, in the alcove, between the sun room and the living room”. Then I thought, “I wonder how many other people have looked at this same print and thought that it would fill an empty space, or cover the place where “little Billy” colored with a permanent marker, or hide the hole in the wall, where someone’s temper got the best of them? How many people take something useless and cover up their life?”

I started to cry, just thinking of all those people, like myself, who’ve placed something pretty over something ugly, so that no one would know, so no one would be the wiser, so no one would believe that it was possible for ugliness to exist beneath the pretty facade…sad.

I had to walk away, without the print… it wasn’t so pretty anymore. As I walked away, with every single step, I realized that I had allowed the world and it’s lack of kindness, it’s lack of blindness… to make me feel like I needed something colorful, magnificent and perfect to hide my inadequacies behind. My sadness changed and I quickly jotted down this angry thought and shoved the little scrap of paper in my back pocket…

Tonight, the need to do laundry forced me to turn shirts right side out, unwad dirty socks (how do boys get them so disgusting?) and check pockets for the forgotten pack of gum, dollar bill, ink pen, frog, lizard or notes from the 7th grade homeroom teacher… and notes from one’s self.

inadequate
slice her into pieces
weigh & measure her out
package her up really pretty
no one will see how ugly
if the bow’s big enough

I know the syntax of the “words” isn’t all rhymey-rhymey, but the meaning of the collective rhymes with “me”… ~~~Sheila Anne Rippy